This post from Angry will offend at least one sixth of the worlds population. Do not read on if you think you will be one of them!
A major Church has just lengthened its list of its 'mortal sins' - whatever that may mean in their canon, no doubt epitomes of intelligence and tolerance. By the way, the original list of seven, now lengthened to fourteen, had first been worked out and decreed by men in robes in the 6th century. More...
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A major Church has just lengthened its list of its 'mortal sins' - whatever that may mean in their canon, no doubt epitomes of intelligence and tolerance. By the way, the original list of seven, now lengthened to fourteen, had first been worked out and decreed by men in robes in the 6th century.
In a spirit of constructiveness, I would like to submit that the following 'sins' be added to the much needed update:
The following are henceforth deemed to be additional mortal sins:
- Picking one's nose
- Cocking a snook at birds when walking in the park
- Using more than one knot per lace when tying one's shoes
- Not flailing one's arms about when hearing Bananarama's 'Walk Like an Egyptian'
- Not wearing funny hats when thinking of God or when beholding choir boys
- Not wearing funny multi-coloured robes when the wind is high
- Not having fish for breakfast on the 2nd Tuesday of every month
- Not thinking of sex all the time, and how to curb it, scoobidoo it, or pelitamisate it in any which way
- Understanding anything ending in -ics or -logy, with especial opprobrium placed on biology, economics and physics
- We repeat the foregoing about economics
- Scratching oneself between the first and the second left rib when watching TV
- Reading when reality shows are available on TV
- Driving a car
- Being beautiful, for it is the work of the Devil
- Being ugly, for it is the work of the Devil
- Being plain or homely, because, hey, like the dog licking his balls, we can
- Having fewer than 22 children
- Using nappies
- Sending more than one child to school
- Failing to raise one's arms to the skies every second day, and chanting something incomprehensible in Latin with mucho tremolos and much flapping of the flews for the over 50s set
- For young boys, failing to volunteer as a choir boy or page at your local church
- Failing to exercise due floccinaucinihilipilification in all areas of life not somehow related to embroidery and lamé patterns on pointy hats and campy robes
- Sweeping the kitchen floor widdershins in the months with an 'e' in their name
- Sweeping the barn floor deasil in months without an 'e'
- Having an IQ over 70
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